by Jeremy Dubin
Ho Ho Ho and a Happy Christmakwanzakah to all! Welcome to CSC’s noeliest month of the year, or as I like to call it: “Dube-cember.” I had the great honor of directing both of CSC’s holiday offerings this season, and perhaps it’s the sleep deprivation talking, but I am filled to the point of spewing with non-specific holiday cheer and good will towards men.
“Two shows at once?” you ask, “Is he crazy”; “The man must be some sort of theatrical juggernaut!” you exclaim; or perhaps you mutter, “Why doesn’t he stop whining, get off the cross and back into rehearsal.” Well, I’m going to do just that, but before I do, I realize that some of you may be facing a dilemma: you want to see both Twelfth Night and Every Christmas Story Ever Told!!, but due to constraints of time, budget, or babysitter availability, you have to choose just one. Folks, I’m no Dr. Phil – I can’t make that decision for you, but what I can do is offer the following side-by-side comparisonwhich may help you get a handle on this yuletide conundrum.
Twelfth Night: You and your friends can start a pool on which part of Matt Johnson’s body the next flask will be pulled from.
Every Christmas Story Ever Told!!: You an your friends can start a pool on how many times Nick Rose will crack-up, Harvey Korman style, and Justin McCombs will, with Tim Conway-like relentlessness, torment him.
Twelfth Night: Witness Jim Hopkins ridiculous sacrafice to his personal appearance in the name of art.
Every Christmas Story Ever Told!!: Witness Adolf Hitler eating fruitcake.*
Twelfth Night: Be soothed by the dulcet ukulele styings of Mr. Christopher Guthrie.
Every Christmas Story Ever Told!!: Be soothed by the benign ramblings of Drunken Santa.
Twelfth Night: You can hear Billy Chace attempt and Irish dialect.
Every Christmas Story Ever Told!!: You can hear Billy Chace attempt to lose his Irish Dialect.
Every Christmas Story Ever Told!!: Booze! A couple of cups of Arnold’s famous Egg Nog makes us funnier and you better-looking.
Twelfth Night: While CSC does not have a liquor license, you can feel like a part of the show’s 1920s Prohibition setting by sneaking in your own hooch (while I in no way condone this, I will say the body searches have been much more lax of late).
I hope this was helpful – and whether you see both shows, one or none (well, not if you see none) – I wish you a very happy and healthy non-denominational winter holiday season.
*Editor’s Note: We promise this is funnier in context.